why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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