Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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