he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
