i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
