meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
