Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
