you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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