I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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