"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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