what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Stop saving videos when youโre using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks Iโm into that
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