So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
