I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize