Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
