Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
