It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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