Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ketchup is God's man juice
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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