oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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