I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
