I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
