I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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