Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
