P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
