So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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