He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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