I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
