just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
