Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
smell my finger.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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