He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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