I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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