you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Drunk walkin through police station. America
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
