dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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