Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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