Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
