She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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