Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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