i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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