I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
