well you can't waste a boner
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
