the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
