i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
