I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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