It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
