He asked to "fluff my boner.."
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
