I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
