sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
