4 words: hood of his car
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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