You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
