Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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