Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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