oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
