mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
