You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
