listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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