i don't like sucking hair
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
