Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
