Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
