OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
