instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
