Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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