insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
