So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
