Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think i scared a bird with my dick
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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