he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
