Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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