I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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