girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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