Jerry, you need to find god
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
