I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
