dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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